The biggest mistake I see couples make when setting out to change the direction of their marriage is that they bite off to much at one time. I often preach baby steps to couples who are seeking to change the DNA of their marriage. It was not one major decision which got them of course and it will not be one major change which gets them back on course. It is a series of small, manageable, conscious, decisions which will right your marriage. With this in mind let us turn our attention to righting your marriage as it relates to building spiritual intimacy.
Fostering spiritual intimacy in your marriage must start with your personal relationship with the Lord. If you find yourself in a marriage where there is little intimacy, especially when it concerns spiritual things, then you first must check your own personal walk with the Lord. It is impossible to share with your spouse what you have not first experienced. Many individual’s do not know where to begin when it comes to growing daily in your relationship with God. Again it is important to remember baby steps. If you wake up one morning and decide that you are going to go from no time with the Lord to spending one hour praying and studying the Scriptures each day it is very likely that your commitment will fizzle out within the week. Scripture is clear that there is no formula that guarantees godliness. Spending one hour each day immersed in the Scriptures may in fact be as ungodly as doing nothing. Scripture teaches that our goal should be to become as much like Jesus as possible (1 Peter
As you begin seeking the Lord in your personal life you will not be able to help but share what you are learning with your spouse. Spiritual intimacy in your marriage does not have to be regimented couple devotions and prayer time, though it certainly can be. In fact, one of the best ways to foster intimacy in your marriage is to simply allow it to be an overflow of what each of you is learning individually. Doing this will give you the opportunity to begin a more regimented couple/family devotional. Spiritual intimacy is best fostered through natural conversations which turn toward what you are learning and experiencing in your walk with God. You will know that there is a spiritually intimate setting in your marriage when both of you are able to discuss spiritual things- the pastors sermon, your own personal devotions or the latest news event and its relationship to Gods Word. For couples who do not have a spiritually intimate relationship there seems to be an unstated rule that spiritual conversations are off limits. This is a dangerous place to be in your marriage. Not only does it signal concern in terms of your individual relationship with God, but a lack of spiritual conversation and prayer also bleeds into every other aspect of your marriage. You can be sure that if spiritual conversations are off limits, many other things are off limits as well. Intimacy cannot be fostered when there are restraints on what is accepted to talk about. If you find yourself in a marriage where this is the case I encourage you to begin making choices today to change the culture of your marriage. Continuing down this path is not one that brings joy and contentment or honor to God.
If you have additional questions or need further help on fostering spiritual intimacy in your marriage/family please call me at 843-662-2021, ext. 1 or send me an email at reeves@sandhurstchristiancounseling.com
