For many people the Holiday Season can bring added stress due to having to interact with Extended Family. There may be strained relationships that one side is aware of, but the other side does not recognize or there may be a relationship that both sides understand to be strained. Either scenario makes for an awkward setting when it is time to exchnage gifts and be in the Christmas Spirit. If you find yourself in a strained relationship with an extended family member here are four tips to help you navigate this Holiday Season.
1. Clearly communicate with your spouse the expectations y'all have for being around the family members in question.
Without clear communication it is easy for one of you to have one set of expectations while the other is thinking something totally different. Make sure you communicate each of your expectations and do it in advance of the family event so that you and your spouse can be on the same page.
2. Communicate with your extended family about how you are going to handle the family event.
If you are only going to be there for an hour or two, but grandma Jo is expecting you the whole day it can create even more tension when you and your clan leave at 10:00 AM. Make sure you communicate in advance how long you will be at the event so you don't have to deal with unexpected issues on Christmas day.
3. Be Honest with your extended family about why you are not staying.
Yes, this may be difficult, but if you lie your way out of an event you are only going to have to do it again when the next family gathering comes. Be honest with your extended family, and let them know why you wont be with them. It will create tension in the short term, but may save the relationship long-term if you are able to deal with it constructively.
4. Protect Your immediate Family
I often see couples where one of the spouses has failed to leave behind their mother or father. Remember when you say "I Do" you are pledging your loyalty and support to your new spouse and the family y'all will create. Do not dismiss your spouses desires for mom or dads. That will leave you with more problems than you started with and a Merry Christmas will not be had by any.
F. Reeves Cannon, III. M.A., LPC, BCPCC
- Reeves Cannon
- Florence, SC, United States
- Reeves Cannon is a board certified Professional Counselor (LPC). He graduated with honors from Dallas Theological Seminary with a Master of Arts degree in Biblical Counseling. Reeves received his undergraduate degree from Columbia International University in Youth Ministry. He is a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC) and a board certified Professional Christian counselor with the International Board of Christian Counselors (BCPCC). Reeves is a certified administrator of PREPARE-ENRICH, a pre-marital and marriage assessment tool for counselors and clergy. Prepare/Enrich is the most widely used premarital counseling tool in the United States today. Reeves also travels around the southeast as a seminar speaker for Walk Thru the Bible Ministries. The subject of personality, relationships, and team building are the focus of those seminars. Reeves is the Director of Counseling at the church at Sandhurst in Florence, SC. The purpose of the counseling center is to provide Biblically centered professional counsel to individuals, couples and families in Florence and the surrounding area so that God may be glorified and lives transformed.