WHO ARE YOU PURSUING?

What comes to your mind when you hear the word pursue? Does your mind race back to a wild police chase you witnessed on the latest episode of COPS or do you think about a wild tiger trouncing on his dinner in the latest episode of National Geographic Explorer. The word pursue is a word of action. It speaks of intensity and courage; there is no time for being tired or busy when a pursuit is needed. You do not see cops eating donuts during a pursuit! What about your marriage relationship? Are you pursuing your spouse or has that chase been over for a while? Put another way, are you back at headquarters getting fat on donuts or are you still in the chase? In this article I want to look at the importance of continually pursuing your spouse and give you some simple steps that will help you get back in pursuit mode.

Research tells us that somewhere between the honeymoon and the fifth year of marriage the momentum of the initial pursuit wears off and real life kicks in. When this occurs we often allow the busyness of life to invade and we allow ourselves to run out of time for things we once considered an essential part of our day. In the early part of your dating relationship you did everything you could to pursue your significant other. You bought flowers, you sent cards, you listened, and you gave of your time. You had too, and you wanted too! It was a wonderful season of your life filled with intense emotions and happiness; you would do anything to keep the love of your life happy. What happened?

To be fair, life does get busy. For most couples the initial (dating) pursuit occurs during a relatively calm period of life. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, you find yourself living the same life you witnessed your parents living. You find yourself no longer going to a job, but building a career. No longer are there sweet talks about how many kids you would like to have… you have them- THREE of them! And no family in America is complete without Sammy the dog. Simply put, there is less time for pursuing your spouse; life has invaded! However the importance of pursuing your spouse has not gone away, in fact it has only intensified. You feel overwhelmed though and it is only natural to let the person you feel most secure with move to the back burner. Without even realizing it you have left the pursuit of your spouse and replaced it with the pursuit of a career, children, activities and life! Continuing down this road will, for a time, seem to have a great payoff. You have a great house, great kids and a job that pays. It is the American dream. But you know the real story- your marriage is an empty shell of what it used to be and the career that was once so enjoyable has turned to drudgery. How did you get here? What can you do to change course?

Whether you find yourself identifying with the description above or you are wise enough to know you don’t want to go there here are five simple, yet profound steps you can take to ensure that you remain on target in pursuing your spouse.

1. Pursue an intimate relationship with God.

You cannot expect to have an intimate relationship with your spouse if your relationship with God is shallow. It is hard work, but you must make time to commune with God on a daily basis. Don’t get caught in the trap of thinking the only way to have a daily quiet time is to spend 30 minutes praying and 30 minutes reading the Bible. Be creative. Find what works for you, but pursue God intimately.

When I lived in Dallas I suddenly found myself with a 12 mile 45 minute commute two times a day. It took me a while to recognize it, but that was valuable time that I could use. I bought the Bible on CD and listened to James Earl Jones read Galatians and various other books to me. It was a profound time of learning for me. Have you ever taken the time to listen quietly to the Scriptures being read? It will open your eyes to things you may have skipped over before. Be creative, but you must pursue God.

2. Schedule Romance

When you were dating you did not need a sticky note to remind you to do something sweet for your spouse. It came naturally, but it has also has left naturally. It takes discipline for many of us to get back in the mode of pursuing our spouse. Don’t be afraid to schedule it. Put it in your planner that you are going to take 15 minutes on the 12^th of each month to write a love note to your spouse. A couple of months of scheduled romance and you will be a champ and it will flow naturally.

3. Be Creative

If you are like me creativity goes out of the window when the busyness of life invades. Genius ideas that once flowed so freely no longer come to my mind as much. What starts out as a romantic date night idea turns into the same dinner and a movie date. Force yourself to come up with a better idea. Get some accountability. Tell a friend that you are going to plan a great night for your spouse and have him or her hold you accountable. Stop the same old dinner and a movie date night.

4. Listen Well

How good does it feel when someone looks you in the eye and allows you to share their heart without comment or interruption. That in itself can be some of the best therapy you or I will ever receive. Make it a point to do that with your spouse. Turn off the TV, shut down the computer. Set aside time, after the kids are in bed, to talk and listen. Now that is ROMANCE!

5. Think back to what you did when you were dating

If all else fails… reminisce. What did you enjoy when y’all were dating? How did you pursue your spouse at that season of life? Sure, it will be done with more maturity and understanding now, but just because you are at a different stage in your life does not mean that what worked back then does not work now.

Hopefully you can see the importance of continually pursuing your spouse. It is hard work when life is racing by, but these simple steps will get you back on the right track as you engage in the most important pursuit of your life. Get started tonight!