Protecting the Purity of Your Teenager

I came across a great article today that I would encourage any father of a teenage son or daughter to read. It is a challenging article that deals frankly with how we, as fathers, are to protect our children from the moral onslaught that is prevalent today. If you have a teenager you need to check this article out. Read it by clicking here.

FINDING YOUR WAY THROUGH DEPRESSION

Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God? These words from Psalm 42 ask a simple yet poignant question. Why are you depressed? Depression, to varying degrees, will affect all of us. It is true that you may never be diagnosed with clinical depression or need medication to help control the symptoms, but all of us, at times, will experience bouts of depression. In this article we will look at the characteristics and causes of depression. As well, we will look at what help is available to those who find themselves in the midst of their dark night of the soul.

THE CHARACTERISTICS OF DEPRESSION

Depression is rightly described as anger turned inward, and it can make the strongest person weak. When you are depressed you lose all hope. You no longer find anything to get excited about. You have trouble sleeping, or maybe you sleep all day and can’t get out of bed, your eating habits change and your self-esteem is non-existent. Before depression you were able to think and communicate intelligently, but now you notice your thoughts are running together; you can’t seem to concentrate enough to carry on an adult conversation. For some, there is suicidal ideation… “I wonder what it would be like if I was not here?” It is maddening, but you can’t find the energy to correct the problem; you do not know how to correct the problem. Depression has stormed into your life and robbed you of the joy and happiness you once experienced. You feel empty!

WHAT CAUSES DEPRESSION

Depression can be brought on by a myriad of issues and it can come out of nowhere. Happy things such as weddings, the birth of a child or graduation can bring about depression, as well as sad and difficult experiences such as the death of a loved one, divorce or sickness. For some it is easy to see why they are battling depression and for others there seems to be no logical reason why the struggle occurs. No matter the cause, however, depression is real and for the one who is in the midst of it they will do or give anything to move beyond the feelings.

THERE IS HOPE

If you find yourself in the midst of this battle or you have a loved one that is carrying this burden I want to encourage you that there is hope. Without trying to sound trite or give a simple, uncompassionate answer Psalm 42 does provide us with the only true way to navigate through depression and that is by putting your hope in God (Psalm 42:5-6). This may appear impossible, as you do not have the energy to do anything, but you must find a way to put your hope in the one true God, the God who, according to Philippians 4:7 will give us peace that transcends all understanding (i.e. it does not make sense to an unbelieving world).

Clinically speaking the greatest thing you can do is seek help. Do not allow yourself or your loved one to continue to suffer when help is available. It is not a sign of weakness to admit you need help. In fact, it is a sign of wisdom. Proverbs 12:15 states “The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice.” There are things a clinically trained counselor can do that will aid in healing from depression.

Equally important is a thorough medical exam. Depression is often due to medical conditions and only your medical doctor can understand and address those issues correctly. It is essential that you get a medical exam yearly. It is good stewardship.

Another important point any quality counselor will consider when he is treating depression is the physiological issues. These include your eating, sleeping and exercise habits. Research has shown that positive physiological patterns in ones life have a great impact in treating depression. You must get a quality night sleep, eat healthy and develop a simple, but effective exercise routine. Doing these things will aid tremendously in decreasing the depressive symptoms.

Lastly, I want to encourage you if you find yourself struggling with depression to seek help. There are things that we can do together to treat depression effectively. You or your loved one does not have to go at it alone. Help is available. Together we will assess the situation and work to combat the issues from a physiological, medical and spiritual/emotional standpoint.

As I close let me remind you of 2 Corinthians 4:16-18. It is a great passage for those who find themselves in the midst of depression. “We do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an internal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”

Check Out These Radio Broadcasts

Instead of writing an article this week I want to highlight the Radio broadcasts of Focus on the Family and Family Life Today. This week both radio ministries are highlighting subjects that speak to real life. Focus on the Family, with Dr. James Dobson, is highlighting a very real phenomenon in American culture. They have invited Julie Ann Barnhill for a three part series dealing with Guilt in Motherhood. If you are a mother- no matter if you have grown children or toddlers this is a broadcast that would benefit you. It is also a helpful broadcast for husbands seeking to understand the pressures of being a mother in America. You may listen by clicking here.

Family Life Today has invited David Cox, a marriage a family counselor from Spartanburg, SC, to speak on the subject of suicide. In this three day series David covers many aspects of suicide. Many of us have been affected by suicide either directly or indirectly. This three day series is a valuable resource for anyone who is interested in learning about suicide and the many issues surrounding it. You may listen by clicking here.

WHO ARE YOU PURSUING?

What comes to your mind when you hear the word pursue? Does your mind race back to a wild police chase you witnessed on the latest episode of COPS or do you think about a wild tiger trouncing on his dinner in the latest episode of National Geographic Explorer. The word pursue is a word of action. It speaks of intensity and courage; there is no time for being tired or busy when a pursuit is needed. You do not see cops eating donuts during a pursuit! What about your marriage relationship? Are you pursuing your spouse or has that chase been over for a while? Put another way, are you back at headquarters getting fat on donuts or are you still in the chase? In this article I want to look at the importance of continually pursuing your spouse and give you some simple steps that will help you get back in pursuit mode.

Research tells us that somewhere between the honeymoon and the fifth year of marriage the momentum of the initial pursuit wears off and real life kicks in. When this occurs we often allow the busyness of life to invade and we allow ourselves to run out of time for things we once considered an essential part of our day. In the early part of your dating relationship you did everything you could to pursue your significant other. You bought flowers, you sent cards, you listened, and you gave of your time. You had too, and you wanted too! It was a wonderful season of your life filled with intense emotions and happiness; you would do anything to keep the love of your life happy. What happened?

To be fair, life does get busy. For most couples the initial (dating) pursuit occurs during a relatively calm period of life. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, you find yourself living the same life you witnessed your parents living. You find yourself no longer going to a job, but building a career. No longer are there sweet talks about how many kids you would like to have… you have them- THREE of them! And no family in America is complete without Sammy the dog. Simply put, there is less time for pursuing your spouse; life has invaded! However the importance of pursuing your spouse has not gone away, in fact it has only intensified. You feel overwhelmed though and it is only natural to let the person you feel most secure with move to the back burner. Without even realizing it you have left the pursuit of your spouse and replaced it with the pursuit of a career, children, activities and life! Continuing down this road will, for a time, seem to have a great payoff. You have a great house, great kids and a job that pays. It is the American dream. But you know the real story- your marriage is an empty shell of what it used to be and the career that was once so enjoyable has turned to drudgery. How did you get here? What can you do to change course?

Whether you find yourself identifying with the description above or you are wise enough to know you don’t want to go there here are five simple, yet profound steps you can take to ensure that you remain on target in pursuing your spouse.

1. Pursue an intimate relationship with God.

You cannot expect to have an intimate relationship with your spouse if your relationship with God is shallow. It is hard work, but you must make time to commune with God on a daily basis. Don’t get caught in the trap of thinking the only way to have a daily quiet time is to spend 30 minutes praying and 30 minutes reading the Bible. Be creative. Find what works for you, but pursue God intimately.

When I lived in Dallas I suddenly found myself with a 12 mile 45 minute commute two times a day. It took me a while to recognize it, but that was valuable time that I could use. I bought the Bible on CD and listened to James Earl Jones read Galatians and various other books to me. It was a profound time of learning for me. Have you ever taken the time to listen quietly to the Scriptures being read? It will open your eyes to things you may have skipped over before. Be creative, but you must pursue God.

2. Schedule Romance

When you were dating you did not need a sticky note to remind you to do something sweet for your spouse. It came naturally, but it has also has left naturally. It takes discipline for many of us to get back in the mode of pursuing our spouse. Don’t be afraid to schedule it. Put it in your planner that you are going to take 15 minutes on the 12^th of each month to write a love note to your spouse. A couple of months of scheduled romance and you will be a champ and it will flow naturally.

3. Be Creative

If you are like me creativity goes out of the window when the busyness of life invades. Genius ideas that once flowed so freely no longer come to my mind as much. What starts out as a romantic date night idea turns into the same dinner and a movie date. Force yourself to come up with a better idea. Get some accountability. Tell a friend that you are going to plan a great night for your spouse and have him or her hold you accountable. Stop the same old dinner and a movie date night.

4. Listen Well

How good does it feel when someone looks you in the eye and allows you to share their heart without comment or interruption. That in itself can be some of the best therapy you or I will ever receive. Make it a point to do that with your spouse. Turn off the TV, shut down the computer. Set aside time, after the kids are in bed, to talk and listen. Now that is ROMANCE!

5. Think back to what you did when you were dating

If all else fails… reminisce. What did you enjoy when y’all were dating? How did you pursue your spouse at that season of life? Sure, it will be done with more maturity and understanding now, but just because you are at a different stage in your life does not mean that what worked back then does not work now.

Hopefully you can see the importance of continually pursuing your spouse. It is hard work when life is racing by, but these simple steps will get you back on the right track as you engage in the most important pursuit of your life. Get started tonight!

SURE, IT’S A GOOD THING, BUT IS IT THE BEST THING?

Life is busy! Every where you turn there is something or someone asking for your time. Whether it involves the kids, the church, your job or your friends someone is there to take up every precious moment you have in your twenty-four hour day. If it were not for FAST food some of us may starve due to the time demands we place ourselves under. It is not news that we live at a frighteningly furious pace.

While there are many advantages to operating in a fast paced society there are also many potential hazards awaiting those who do not stop to smell the roses. In this article I want to remind you of the importance of saying "NO", and give you two tools which will help you in your efforts. After all, your family could be at stake.

We have all heard the sobering statistics on divorce. Nearly half of all marriages that begin this year will end in divorce. Putting it another way, if you attend four weddings this year you can expect two of them to end in divorce! What is the cause of such bleak news? How can we stop this epidemic? While it is clear that there are a myriad of issues which surround each divorce it is also clear that one of the most deadly forces upon marriage today is simply that we have forsaken time with our spouse / family for time with everything else.

It is unbelievably easy to allow this to occur. Before we even realize what we have done we have over-scheduled ourselves and left little to no time for the ones we love the most. It is a natural thing to do this. We feel safest with those we love the most, and while that is a good thing, it can be detrimental when it comes time to making split second decisions. Decisions such as, “Do I take on the extra job to impress my boss or do I leave the weekend free to relax with my wife and kids?” Or what about when the phone rings and Suzy Q. is on the other end asking you to volunteer at XYZ ministry? You rationalize… “It is such a neat place and they are doing such good work. It would only be one night each week. It can’t be that bad!” All of us have been there and all of us have taken on tasks we know we should have said no too!

BREAKING FREE

It is easy to diagnose the problem, but breaking free is another thing. How can you learn to guard your time and protect your most precious asset- your family. While there is no secret formula there are a couple of boundaries you can put into place.

1. Learn to say “NO!!!”

Some of the best advice I have ever received came from the Dean of Students at Columbia International University. He remarked, “I make it a practice to tell at least one person “NO” each day, just to stay in practice.” While he was overemphasizing his point, it did come across loud and clear to me. There are many good things which clamor for your precious time each day, but often there is only time for the best things. Make sure that you do not say “YES” to good things and leave no time for the best things.

For some saying “no” is easier than for others. Get to know yourself, if you have difficulty saying “no”, make a conscious effort to develop this godly discipline in your life. There are more than enough ministries, activities and people who can abuse your time if you allow it. However, none of those things are worth loosing your family or even upsetting them.

2. Create a scheduling committee.

This may sound hokey to you, but trust me, it works. I had a professor in college who had his wife, a secretary, and another colleague approve all of his outside speaking engagements. Before he could say yes to any outside engagement it had to be approved, not by his employer, but by his self-appointed scheduling committee. You may be saying, isn’t that a bit of overkill for someone like me? Most likely it is not if you have read this far! Try it out and see if it does not create greater intimacy and community with those you love the most. Before you accept another ministry position, extra assignment at work or youth league coaching position put together a scheduling committee. I recommend having your spouse, a trusted friend, and your age appropriate children on it. Unless all agree that this is an assignment which will be for the benefit of the family goals you should politely refrain from taking on another assignment.

Often we become so enthralled with good things that we squeeze out the most precious things in our life. If you find yourself with this tendency I encourage you to implement these two boundaries in your life.

IS COUNSELING FOR WEIRD PEOPLE ONLY?

While therapy is becoming more accepted in many circles around the country there still remains a large segment of the population which holds the belief that therapy is only for people who are really “messed up or weak”. Comments like, “just trust in the Lord”, or “pull yourself up by the bootstraps” can be well meaning, but they often come from a deep seated belief that you should be able to get through difficult life issues without the help of a trusted counselor. This is simply not true and it is even unbiblical.

It is easy to understand the origins of this type of thinking. After all, Sigmund Freud, the Father of psychoanalysis, was made famous by studying the abnormal. If you have taken even a basic psychology class you have studied the theories of Freud. While therapy has its origins in the works of Sigmund Freud and his cohorts, most counseling today has moved far away from the ideas of Freud. Certainly, Christian counseling is a far cry from anything remotely Freud. You must be on guard that the foundation of psychology which you learned in your basic Psychology 101 classes does not shape your thinking of what Christian counseling is today. Today, it is simply not true that counseling is for weak people.

While each of us must confront the early ideas we learned about counseling psychology, we must also evaluate the merits of seeking wise counsel from a Biblical perspective. Even a cursory look at scripture reminds us of the importance of wise counsel. Scripture is littered with truth about the importance of seeking wise counsel. Two of my favorite verses in this vain are Proverbs 13:10. “Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.” Proverbs 12:15 states, “The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice.” There are many more verses which show the importance of seeking wise counsel. Scripture certainly does not teach that seeking counsel is only for weak people. In fact, it teaches the opposite. Scripture teaches that seeking counsel is the sign of a wise person.

Often, one of the first things I tell clients, especially those who seem a bit uneasy about being in a COUNSELORS office, is “You are the wise one. You admit that there is an issue in your life which is outside of yourself. You should be proud of the fact that you have recognized this and are seeking counsel.”

If scripture declares seeking counsel as such a wise thing then why are so many people still hesitant to seek out that counsel? While some of the hesitancy may come from fears of reliving the stories of your psychology 101 class, I believe the bigger issue is pride. The Bible calls those who are unwilling to seek counsel fools (Prov. 12:15). Often pride gets in the way, especially when the issue deals directly with something you know you must change. You must ask yourself if you are allowing pride to get in the way of healthy living. Is your pride-refusal to seek wise counsel- getting in the way of your marriage, work or other relationships? Scripture clearly teaches it can. Proverbs 16:18 “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.”

The challenge you have before you today is to examine your heart before the Lord. Have you allowed your prideful and arrogant heart to get in the way of seeking wise, godly counsel? If you have you must confess that sin before the Lord and you must seek wise counsel. Seeking counsel is not an admission of weakness, but continuing to live as if there are no problems is a characteristic of a fool.

If you need help in understanding how to choose a wise counselor I invite you to read an earlier article titled “What is Christian Counseling and How Do I Know I am Getting Counsel from a Christian? Click here to read the article.

Pre-Marital Help

Are you or someone you know considering marriage? Are you recently married? Are you a parent of a child who will be considering marriage in the next few years? If you answered yes to any of these questions you must check out the last two days of Focus on the Family's radio broadcast. The guest is Kay Cole James. She is an accomplished professional and she has also written a book titled What I wish I'd Known Before I Got Married. I encourage you to read this book and listen to the broadcast if you answered any of the above questions with a "Yes". You may listen to the broadcast by clicking here. The title of the two broadcasts are: Straight Talk To Young Couples, 1. and Straight Talk To Young couples, 2.

WHEN YOU CAN’T FORGIVE YOURSELF

It is common for someone to enter my office and proclaim “I can’t forgive myself”! Whether it is an extra-marital affair, a heated exchange in which you said something you regret, or a decision you made many years ago which still haunts you today. The statement, “I can’t forgive myself”, is a common one and it is one which must be confronted for healing to take place. In this article, the last in a series on forgiveness, I am going to explore five common reasons which prevent you from being able to experience the forgiveness God desires you to experience.

THE BELIEF YOU MUST SUFFER BEFORE YOU CAN BE FORGIVEN

Satan is a masterful deceiver and he does some of his best work in the area of guilt and un-forgiveness. One way in which he obtains victory in this area is by telling you that you must suffer before forgiveness can be fully extended. This is a great lie from Satan. Logically, it makes since that when we do something horrible, we must suffer in some way before forgiveness can be extended. However, when we come to understand forgiveness from a Biblical perspective, we realize that God extends forgiveness regardless of whether we suffer or not. To not forgive yourself because you feel you have not yet suffered enough cheapens God’s forgiveness. If you find yourself hesitant to accept the forgiveness, grace and mercy available through Christ because you feel you have not yet suffered enough for the offense you committed you must confront this lie from Satan and accept the forgiveness which is available through Christ.

CONTINUING TO MEDDLE IN SIN

Another reason it is difficult to forgive yourself is because you continue to meddle in the sin you so desperately want to be set free from. It may be that you know you should not look at pornography, but you continually return to the computer just as a dog returns to its vomit. You are disgusted by your actions, but you cannot rid yourself of the desire to engage in the sin of your choice. The guilt is overbearing, yet somehow you cannot say “NO”! If this describes your situation I encourage you to seek help from a wise counselor, an older person who can hold you accountable or some other person who you respect. One of my favorite verses in all of scripture is 1 Corinthians 10:13. It states “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” What a wonderful promise.

PRIDE AND ARROGANCE

Another common reason you fail to forgive yourself is because of pride and arrogance. You may simply say, “I don’t need to be forgiven.” This is a difficult place to be because you are riddled with guilt yet you pass it off as anything but your own sin and shortcomings. To be forgiven you must humble yourself to receive forgiveness because seeking forgiveness, by default, admits you did something wrong. Jeremiah 17:9 reminds us that we are capable of all sorts of evil. “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? Are you unable to rid yourself of guilt and un-forgiveness because pride and arrogance have invaded your heart?

YOU SET YOUR OWN STANDARD OF RIGHTEOUSNESS

Philippians 3:7-9 states “But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ- the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith.” The Bible clearly teaches that it is God we must please. God does not expect us to be perfect; He recognizes our inadequacies due to our sin nature, and He has provided Christ as our Substitute. When you can’t forgive yourself you may be trying to play God by rejecting His law and living according to a law you created. Examine your standard. Are you not able to forgive yourself because you have erected a legalistic, unattainable standard of righteousness even God knows you cannot keep?

YOU HAVE NEVER ACCEPTED CHRIST AS YOUR SAVIOR

Lastly, if you still find it difficult to forgive yourself it is important that you reflect upon your salvation experience. It may be that you have never truly accepted Christ as your Savior. It is possible that your inability to forgive yourself is due to the fact that you have never accepted the forgiveness available through Christ. Check out John 10:10. “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” God clearly does not desire for you to live your life with undue guilt and fear. Have you truly accepted the forgiveness available through Christ? Examine your salvation experience. Maybe you have never accepted Him as your personal Lord and Savior.

As I conclude this series on forgiveness I encourage you to evaluate both your need to extend forgiveness to someone and your need to accept forgiveness. Not understanding God’s Word and His teachings on forgiveness will lead to all sorts of trouble- relational, mental and personal. It is essential to your health that you grasp God’s teaching on forgiveness and seek Him so that you may live at peace with all people as much as it depends on you (Romans 12:18).

Forgiving those who hurt you the most

How? Without a doubt this is the first question people ask me when I speak of the need to forgive. Put yourself in the shoes of someone who has just discovered the illicit affair their spouse has been hiding for months. Think about the difficulty of having to forgive a father who abused and mistreated you while he drank himself into oblivion. Or what about a husband who has been battling a pornography addiction; he can’t seem to stay away from pictures of nude women, yet you are to extend forgiveness towards him? The thought of forgiving these types of offenses seems blasphemous, and in many circles they are treated as such, yet you, as a believer, can not be caught in Satan’s lie that this is the best way to handle a wrong done towards you. Harboring an attitude of anger, bitterness and hatred- the characteristics which make up an unforgiving heart is no way to live your life. Yet, the question still remains- How? Certainly time helps, but I believe there are four actions you can take which will help you forgive the one who has hurt you the most.

Pray

I can hear many of you saying…great he is going to give us church answers! Well, yes I am, but not because they are church answers, but because they work. The first thing you must do when seeking to forgive a person who has hurt you deeply is to pray. You may be saying “I can’t, I am so angry at her that I could not possibly pray and ask God to help me forgive this person.” That may very well be true, and if it is, don’t start by praying specifically for the person, rather start by asking God to help you control your anger. It may be too much for you to begin by praying for the person, but you can and must start somewhere. Maybe it is by directly praying for the offender, or maybe it is simply asking God to help you control your anger. You must start with prayer however.

Check out Hebrews 4:14-16. “Since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are- yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” If this verse does not encourage you, you may want to check your pulse! What an awesome reminder of the God we serve. We can approach the “throne of grace with confidence so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” We must start with prayer, and this verse reminds us that we can start with prayer!

Reflect on God’s Forgiveness towards You

It may be true that your sin is “not as bad as the one who has hurt you”; however it is still sin and God’s forgiveness extended to you not because your sin is less significant, but because your sin is sin. God forgives and saves all sinners, no matter how bad we think their sin is. 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 “Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” Check out that list. It is a pretty impressive list of some of the most sinful acts we can think of. Surely prostitutes and drunkards have no chance of entering heaven? Think again! God’s forgiveness extends to all people. Again check out verse eleven. “And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” If God desires to forgive the most offensive people we know, should you not also work towards forgiveness and eventually extend forgiveness? It is not right to accept God’s forgiveness and then fail to extend forgiveness.

Seek Wise Counsel

The words in this article are not easy to obey. They may even seem harsh and cruel. How could a counselor-someone who is suppose to be loving and compassionate- be speaking such harsh words to the one who is in pain, the one who is suffering? That is a valid question, and it deserves an honest response. Any counselor who fails to lead his client towards forgiveness, in my estimation, is short-changing the healing process. Forgiveness is always a part of the healing process when someone is seeking counsel for a hurt or abuse done to them. However, just as forgiveness must be a part of the healing process, it is almost always not the place to start. It has been mentioned previously that for some the thought of forgiving the offender is blasphemous. A wise counselor understands this and is not too hasty in leading his client towards forgiveness. It is the counselor’s job to be wise and understand where their client is in the process. For some people it may take many months before it is wise for the counselor to mention the word forgiveness, for others it is an appropriate topic in the first one or two meetings. Never should a counselor forge his way towards what he knows is a part of the healing process just because it must be covered. It requires wisdom and discernment on the part of the counselor to understand the needs of his client.

Knowing this is important for you. Often, especially when the hurt is deep, wise counsel must be a part of the healing process. It is often impossible to work through the healing process alone. It is important for you to understand this, and to seek wise counsel. You must find a counselor that is both willing to be patient, allowing the process to work, as well as a counselor that is willing to challenge, not allowing you to dwell on the hurt and pain, without confronting the need to forgive.

Reflect on the Joy and Freedom Forgiveness Brings

Psalm 32:1-2 “Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit.” There is true joy when the burden of sin- an unforgiving heart- is lifted. David danced and sang joyfully when he experienced that pleasure. You can experience it to, and the thought of that joy can spurn you towards forgiveness. The choice is yours. You can experience the joy David spoke of in Psalm 32:1-2 or you can experience the depression David reflected on just two verses later. Psalm 32:3-4 “When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer.”

Forgiving someone is a difficult process, yet you can do it…you must do it! If you find yourself asking “How”, I challenge you to find the courage to put into practice these four simple, yet difficult steps. Pray, Reflect on God’s forgiveness towards you, Seek Wise Counsel and reflect on the joy and freedom forgiveness brings. May you find the journey well worth it!

THE IMPORTANCE OF FORGIVENESS

It has been mentioned in previous articles that forgiving someone who has hurt you deeply is difficult, and while that is true, the importance of forgiveness is vast. Satan does a masterful job of twisting the importance of forgiveness in ones mind. Often, the one who has been hurt and needs to extend forgiveness has a difficult time coming to terms with the need to forgive. Hurt and pain have a way of making the person feel as if forgiving the one who offended them is a sign of weakness and surrender. As a result, often forgiveness is not extended. The result of this has enormous consequences for the person in need of extending forgiveness. The failure to forgive extends into all areas of a persons life- spiritual, emotional, and physical. In this article we will examine the importance of forgiveness in each of these areas.

No aspect of ones life is more greatly affected by un-forgiveness than ones spiritual life. Scripture teaches us that the failure to forgive someone can have eternal impact. Matthew 6:14-15 states “If you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” This is a strong statement that provides much insight into the importance God places on forgiveness. This verse teaches that we must have our horizontal (person to person) relationships right before our vertical relationship (God to man) can be. All of us have experienced the effects of what un-forgiveness does to our walk with the Lord. Failure to extend forgiveness leads us down a path of stagnation. No longer do we desire to commune with God. We feel shame and guilt and Satan does his best work during these seasons of life. If an unforgiving heart goes unchecked there will be an endless supply of anger, hostility and bitterness. These emotions do not correlate with a vibrant, intimate relationship with God. Simply put, failure to forgive someone has enormous implications in relation to our walk with God. If you fail to extend forgiveness it is not the one who offended you who suffers, but rather you are continuing to let the offender win by refusing to forgive as God forgave you (Ephesians 4:32).

Just as our Spiritual life suffers when we fail to extend forgiveness our emotions take a hit as well. This is why Ephesians 4:31-32 states “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Have you ever considered the effects un-forgiveness has on your emotions? It is as if the failure to extend forgiveness, while you want it to negatively affect the one who offended you, only causes you greater turmoil. This has been proven scientifically. Studies have shown that failure to forgive leads to anger, hate, revenge, misguided justice, depression and anxiety. While I am not a rocket scientist I do not believe anyone desires to experience these emotions, but recent scientific research on forgiveness clearly shows that a failure to forgive leads to these emotions and disorders.1 However, long before scientist and psychologist caught on to the fact that un-forgiveness plays a part in ones mental health Scripture taught us this. Ephesians 4:31-32 clearly draws a link between un-forgiveness and bitterness rage, anger, brawling, slander, and every other form of malice. Again, it is clear, if you want to experience emotional health, you must be willing to extend forgiveness when someone sins against you.

Just as there are definite spiritual and emotional consequences to un-forgiveness there also exists a physical consequence. While forgiveness research is only an emerging field of scientific study, there have been several studies which detail the positive effects forgiveness has on ones physical makeup. Studies have concluded that forgiveness has a correlation with reducing heart disease, as well as other physical ailments.2, 3 You may have never thought about it in these terms, but what this research proves is that your unwillingness to extend forgiveness could very well lead to an early death!

As you can see, forgiveness plays a vital role in your overall health. Choosing to forgive someone is not simply a small choice that has little ripple effect. The choice to forgive someone is of enormous importance. Its effects extend across your life- from your spiritual condition to potentially determining the number of years you live. Forgiveness must not be taken lightly.

Family Life Today Program this week

One of my favorite Bible Teachers is being featured on the Family Life Radio program this week. Tommy Nelson is probably most well known for his study on the Song of Solomon. This study is a practical study of romance and marital love as God intended. I have had the opportunity to go to one of his Song of Solomon Conferences, as well as do his study on the book of Ecclesiastes. Both are excellent and both can be purchased for your own personal study (click on the Tommy Nelson link to the right). This week on the radio program Tommy will be speaking on the subject of Song of Solomon and Romance. I encourage all of you, married and single, to listen to the series this week. I can promise you it will not be a waste of your time. You can listen online by clicking on the Family Life link to the right.

WHAT IS FORGIVENESS; WHAT IS NOT FORGIVENESS?

Matthew 18:21-35 is a key passage when seeking an understanding of forgiveness. It is in this passage, often termed “The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant” where we learn so much about Biblical Forgiveness. The passage details a king who desires to settle his accounts. The king goes to one man who owes him millions of dollars. When the man is unable to pay the debt the king responds by having pity on him and canceling the debt. It is in this story that Jesus teaches us so much about forgiveness.

Timothy Lane, author of the booklet Forgiving Others- Joining Wisdom and Love, defines forgiveness this way. “Forgiveness is an act of compassion; love expressed when you are sinned against.” He goes on to include five characteristics of Biblical forgiveness which flow from Matthew 18:21-35.

1. Forgiveness Cancels a Debt.

It is important to note the word cancels. Notice it does not say that forgiveness ignores a debt. Many people understand forgiveness to mean that you must ignore or forget that an offense was ever done to you. Biblical forgiveness never speaks of forgiveness in these terms. Someone must always “pay” for the offense. Either the person who offended you must seek to repay the offense, or you, the offended, must extend forgiveness and absorb the pain and suffering caused by the offense.

It is important to think back to your own salvation experience. Each of us is indebted, because of our sin, to God. We are all sinners and in need of forgiveness. God, through Jesus Christ, modeled forgiveness to you when He sent His only Son to pay your debt for you. When you accepted the forgiveness of your sins through Jesus Christ your sin debt was cancelled. It was not forgotten or ignored. Someone… Jesus Christ… paid your debt. We must do the same when we are sinned against. We do not ignore the sin; rather we bear the pain of the sin ourselves. This is forgiveness.

Timothy Lane gives an excellent illustration of this point. He writes: “Suppose you borrow my wheelbarrow. When you return it, the wheel is flat. I can make you pay for the repair or I can pay for it myself. Either way, someone has to absorb the cost. We cannot pretend that the wheelbarrow is not broken. We can’t minimize its brokenness. If I choose to pay for it myself, I have “forgiven” you your debt; it is cancelled. The person who forgives no longer expects to be repaid for what he has suffered.”

2. Forgiveness is a Three-Fold Promise

Understanding forgiveness as canceling a debt someone owes you requires you to make a three-fold promise.

1. “I will not bring up this offense again or use it against you.” The last statement of this phrase is essential… “use it against you.” You cannot cancel a debt and then hold it against someone. Those are opposite actions. One action says you no longer owe me for the debt you incurred, while the other action is saying you still owe me! Only when reconciliation is at issue should the forgiver bring up the offense.

2. “I will not bring it up to others in gossip, or malign you because of it.”

3. “I will not bring it up to myself and dwell on this offense.”

Admittedly, what is required of you, the forgiver, is difficult. In fact, it may seem impossible, however, it is essential and it is certainly attainable through Christ (Ephesians 3:20). It is also important to remember that when you fail to forgive you are really only hurting yourself and your relationship with God. It feels as though in some way you are enacting justice on the person who has hurt you, but really you are only remaining in a state of anger and bitterness which continually causes you to dwell on the offense. There is true joy and peace at the end of forgiveness. You do not have to hold on to the offense. It is not your place to enact justice on the one who has offended you. Forgive and experience the joy and peace which is found when true forgiveness is extended.

3. Forgiveness is an Event and a Process

This is an important point to remember. We are not super-humans. Forgiveness is certainly an event. You choose at a specific time and place to say, “I forgive you.” However, there will be times when the hurt, pain and anger invade as an unwelcome guest. Seemingly out of nowhere, your mind will turn to the offense and it will be all you can do to clear your thoughts from the hurt and anger. It is at this time that you must remember the three-fold promise you made when you first chose to forgive. Over time, as you continue to defeat Satan, the pain and hurt of the offense will lessen and the events will enter your mind less and less until you can no longer recall them.

4. Forgiveness is not Forgetting

We have already touched on this point. This is probably the most misunderstood point about forgiveness. Again, let me turn to the words of Timothy Lane: “Many people cite Jeremiah 31:34 and conclude that since God forgets my sins when he forgives me, I must forget the sins that others have committed against me. Jeremiah 31:34 says, “For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.” But the omniscient God does not have amnesia when it comes to our sins. The word “remember” in this passage does not refer to memory, but to covenant. A covenant is a promise. When God forgives our sins, he does not forget them. Rather, he makes a promise not to treat you as your sins deserve. He chooses to absorb the cost himself in the persona and work of our Redeemer, Jesus Christ.”

5. Forgiveness is not Peace at All Costs

The Bible calls us to hold each other to high standards (Matthew 18:15-19). We are not to become a doormat. Forgiveness does not mean reconciliation. While we are commanded to forgive, it may be unwise for us to welcome certain people back into our lives. While you must forgive a husband who abuses you, or a wife who cannot control her alcohol consumption, inviting them back into your home and your life is different than forgiving them.

Hopefully, you have found this to be informative and challenging. Forgiveness is not easy, but it is essential. As I close remember Matthew 6:14-15…

“If you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

Check back next week as I will look into the subject of the Importance of Forgiveness.

If you are interested in learning more about Forgiveness I encourage you to check out the book by Timothy S. Lane. Forgiving Others Joining Wisdom and Love. You can order it by clicking here.

Exploring Forgiveness

Often people ask me, “What is the biggest issue you encounter in the counseling office?” Without hesitation I am able to say the need to accept or extend forgiveness. In almost every situation I encounter, forgiveness is a big part of the growth and healing process. Maybe it is a spouse who is unwilling to extend forgiveness. A child who is angry at her parents divorce, or an individual bitter at a business partners shoddy practices. Whatever the situation, forgiveness is almost always a big part of the healing process.

Life would be much easier if we did not have to accept or extend forgiveness, but the reality is forgiveness must be extended and accepted for relationships to flourish as God intended. Whether it is a simple, “I’m sorry” or a complex process that requires time and serious contemplation, forgiveness must be extended and accepted. It is not easy, in fact, forgiving someone who has hurt you deeply could be the most difficult thing you ever have to do, but it is essential! Matthew 18:21-22 reminds us of our need to extend forgiveness:

“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times? Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times (or seventy times seven).”

There are a plethora of reasons why people balk at the idea of forgiveness, but forgiveness is deathly important in God’s eye’s. If you don’t think so check out Matthew 6:14-15…

“If you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

If that is not serious I don’t know what is! Therefore, over the next several weeks I am going to explore the subject of forgiveness. I am going to write about such topics as:

-What is Forgiveness; What is not Forgiveness?

- The Importance of Forgiveness

- How you can Forgive those who have hurt you the most

- Forgiving Yourself

I hope that you will find these upcoming posts helpful for your life as you daily get the opportunity to both accept and extend forgiveness.

A Challenge For Dad's

If you are a Dad and are interested in leaving a legacy then you must check out the latest radio broadcast from Family Life today. The broadcast highlights the ministry of Greg Vaughn, award-winning film producer and founder of "Letters From Dad". His book, Letters From Dad, asks a simple, yet challenging question... If you were to die today, what would your children hold in their hands tomorrow that would let them know they were the treasures of your life? Every Dad needs to check out this radio broadcast. You can find it by clicking here. The broadcast date is January 8, 2007.

Teaching Sex to your Pre-Teen and Young Adolescent

Once again I want to highlight a Focus on the Family broadcast. They are broadcasting a two-part series on Sexual Purity. The title of the broadcast is "Teaching Girls the Truth About Modesty and Purity". If you are a parent I highly encourage you to listen to this two part series. It will provide you with a picture of the world your child is living in today. It will also give you ideas on how to approach your child about the subject of sexual purity. While the subject is focused more towards Females, I encourage you, regardless of the gender of your child, to check out this program.
Sadly, the facts, as mentioned in the FOF program report that at least 50% of children ages 11-18 are engaging in Oral Sex (US NEWS and World Report- 2004). This is a real problem today...even in Florence, SC!!!!!
As a youth Pastor (four years ago) I recall asking two 8th grade students how many kids in their Florence, SC school were sexually active. They looked at me for a moment and then stated they knew of 5-6 8th graders who were sexually active. I then asked a second question. "Does that include those who are having oral sex?" Without hesitation, they laughed, looked at me and said, "I didn't know you meant oral sex also. There's a lot more doing that!" The reality is Oral Sex is a rampant problem in the youth culture today, especially among Christian students. As is mentioned on the FOF broadcast, Oral Sex has been dubbed in many communities as "Christian Sex".
To check out the broadcast please click here. The Broadcast dates are Monday December 18th and Tuesday December 19th. The title of the Broadcast is "Teaching Girls the Truth About Modesty and Purity".
You may also want to check out the book Teaching True Love to a Sex at 13 Generation. It is written by Eric and Leslie Ludy.

HOPE FOR THE CHRISTMAS SEASON

For many the Christmas season is filled with a renewed time of fellowship with family and friends. It is a time where relationships are strengthened and joy and hope fill the air. Many look upon the Christmas season with anticipation and jubilant excitement!

However, there are also many who struggle through this time of year. It may be the difficulty of having lost a loved one. Not knowing how to cope, or even if you will be able to cope is a reality for those grieving the death of a loved one. For some, Christmas is a reminder of a painful past. Maybe you suffered through an abusive childhood and while other families are reuniting to celebrate the season you are dealing with the painful emotions that accompany family gatherings. For children and adolescents whose parents are divorced or separated Christmas often turns from excitement (past years) to a cold reality that mom and dad are no longer together, and life (including Christmas) will never be the same. The excitement and happiness of the season is stolen and replaced with sadness, anger and bitterness.

While difficult circumstances are commonplace in a fallen world and they often overtake the best of people it is important to remind ourselves-especially those who find this season a struggle- of the HOPE that is in Christ Jesus. One of my favorite Scripture verses is 2 Corinthians 9:8. It states, “And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.” What a life changing verse this can be!! This verse teaches us that God’s grace is sufficient for every need. Whether it is a Christmas without a loved one, a difficult family situation or some other seemingly hopeless situation it is important to remember that God’s grace is sufficient.

If you find yourself struggling through this season, I encourage you to contemplate 2 Corinthians 9:8. While I do not know the circumstances which you find yourself in this season I do know that we serve a God who is able to make all grace abound to you at all times. As you walk through this Christmas season and into 2007 I encourage you to trust in the God who promises to give you the strength for every circumstance.

As I close let me leave you with Romans 15:13. May this verse be a reality for you during the Christmas season and throughout 2007.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

COMBATING A “ME FIRST” ATTITUDE DURING THE CHRISTMAS SEASON

The Christmas season often poses a difficult challenge for the family that is interested in raising children of gratitude and selflessness. It is clear that we are living in the midst of a “ME FIRST” generation and teaching our children the beauty of giving and selflessness can be a difficult one, especially during the Christmas season. Everywhere you turn you are told that it is all about you! Retail stores everywhere are reminding us of the latest gadgets which we must have. The question for those who are interested in combating this attitude is this: “How do we find balance in the midst of the “I’ve got to have it generation?” While it is a difficult challenge, here are six ideas that should help.

1. Set limits on gift giving.

Before the stores start their marketing campaign to get you to buy the “must haves” of the season sit down with your spouse and define the limits your family will adhere too. It may be a certain dollar amount that you don’t want to go over, or it may be a certain number of items you feel are appropriate. Whatever the standard is for your family, set limits so that you don’t get caught up in the marketing blitz of the season—both from retail stores and your kids!

2. Sponsor a less fortunate family or child.

One great way to remind your children of the true meaning of the season is to sponsor a less fortunate family or child. It is a great idea to adopt a family with a child the same age as your child. Allow your child to pick out the items for the adopted child. This is fun for your child, and teaches them a valuable lesson.

3. Read the Christmas Story (Luke 2:1-20)

Don’t let Christmas day pass without reading from Luke 2- the birth of Jesus. Remind your children that it is Jesus’ birth we are celebrating today. This will once again allow them to shift their focus from their toys to Christ.

4. Volunteer to serve.

Maybe on Christmas day, or some time around the Christmas season volunteer to serve as a family. This is a great way to model to your children a selfless attitude. One of the most powerful teaching tools available to parents is that of a Godly example. If your child sees you giving up your wants and desires it will be much easier for them to do the same.

5. Donate old toys to a local shelter or needy child.

As your child receives a few new gifts during Christmas what a great time to donate a few toys he/she no longer enjoys playing with. Maybe you donate to a shelter or maybe it is just to another family in your church. As your child is old enough, allow him/her to actually hand the toy(s) over to the other child. What a powerful moment in a young child’s life when he selflessly hands over a toy of his to another child who can enjoy it!

6. Write Thank you notes to those who gave you gifts.

Grand-Parents, Aunts and Uncles, Cousins and many other family and friends will give your children gifts during this season. One of the greatest rewards for those who give a gift is to receive a genuine, hand-made thank you note from your child. This teaches your child the art of expressing and giving “thanks” and it let’s the gift-giver know of your appreciation.

*** Please Note: Some of the ideas listed are compiled from various sources which I have read over the years. Not all of the ideas are original to Reeves Cannon.

MONEY MONEY MONEY

One of my favorite people is Dave Ramsey! Dave is an award winning radio host and author. He writes on the subject of money management. I am naturally a guy who loves to balance his checkbook- I know -WEIRD- blame it on my dad, but Dave is a guy who knows and understands money management. He makes it FUN! Focus on the Family is highlighting a two part series they did with Dave. I encourage you to check out these two broadcasts and to also check out his daily radio show. To my knowledge, Florence does not have a station that carries his show, but you can listen to it free on his website at www.daveramsey.com.
You can check out the Focus on the Family radio brodcasts by clicking here.

MAKING “WE” DECISIONS INSTEAD OF “ME” DECISIONS

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:”
- Philippians 2:3-5

It is in this verse we find one of the most difficult commands in all of Scripture -- a call to selflessness. Paul does not mince his words when he writes, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, how we are to live and act. We are to think of others needs and desires before we think of our own. Ouch, I guess it's not all about me!
Perhaps there is no place more difficult to daily flesh out this command than in a marriage relationship. Sure, the first year or two most couples can give themselves a passing score in the area of selflessness, but eventually there comes a time when every couple stops operating in fantasy land and begins living in reality. It is at this time that husbands and wives find themselves with a choice…. Self or Spouse?
How the couple answers this question determines the quality of their relationship. The pull is towards self, after all we are human; but joy and victory wait for those who choose selflessness out of pure motives. Unfortunately, for the couple who constantly chooses self over spouse disaster awaits. For a time, the couple may survive by reminiscing about the fantasy years, but eventually the fantasy years fade into memory and the selfish decisions/thoughts rise and remain uppermost in the mind. When this occurs, resentment, anger, jealousy, pride and more selfishness enters the relationship.
Unless the couple gets help to redirect their marriage, one of two things will happen. One, the couple will continue to live a selfish life growing further and further apart until they reach the point where they are simply two people living as roommates. At this time, the marriage has become nothing but an empty shell. It is being held together to “save face,” for convenience or for the children, but certainly not because of love and contentment. Who would want this? The second outcome or option is not any better. For the couples who can’t make it as roommates, divorce is often the result! Either one or both partners say, “That’s it! I have had enough, I’m OUT!” I believe it is safe to say that none of us married with the intention to end up with these two bleak choices awaiting us.
Whether you find yourself many miles down the road of selfish decisions or you feel that selfishness only creeps into your marriage ever so often, it is important to consider the following practical advice to help prevent a selfish attitude from invading your marriage.

1. How do I make selfless decisions when I feel unloved?
To be honest, this is difficult. I wish I could give you an easy formula which would challenge your spouse towards the same selfless attitude you know you need towards him/her. Unfortunately, there is no such formula. In fact, the closest thing to a formula is your holding firmly to a godly commitment to unselfishness despite your spouse’s continued selfish actions. Be careful, however, if your motive does not spring forth from a love for God and a desire to honor Him your selfless efforts will not produce lasting fruit.
Consider Philippians 2:5. God has not called us to a standard He Himself does not keep. He calls us to the same standard as our Lord. “Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.” This is one of the attributes of Jesus I find so appealing, He does not expect us to live above the standard which He Himself lived. Read Philippians 2:5-11. If anyone had the RIGHT to live selfishly, it was Christ, yet despite His right He chose selflessness. We must as well! When it is difficult to choose selflessness, reflect on Christ’s selflessness towards you (Matthew 26:36-45).

2. Why should I put my spouse’s interests above my own?
It would be nice if God called us to a life of ease and comfort, but He did not! He called us to live a life of holiness (1 Thessalonians 4:7). We read in Ephesians 5:22-33 how Husbands and Wives are to act towards each other. Chiefly, the wife is to submit to her husband -- (i.e. to support). The husband is commanded to love as Christ loved (i.e. too seek the highest good for the spouse). In both of these commands there is clearly room for selflessness. Neither command is predicated upon the other spouse fulfilling their end. Therefore, we must live a selfless life because we are commanded to do so. Secondly, did Christ not love us despite our hatred (sin) towards Him? What better way to model a Christ-like attitude than to live like Christ! Lastly, remind yourself that your reward is in Heaven (Matthew 6:19-24). Why become stubborn and selfish when there is no fruit born out of that attitude? Abundant blessings wait for those who serve and love Him! Remember, as you show small, generous acts of love and selflessness in your marriage, as Christ does for us, your marriage will improve!

3. Make your marriage a Priority.
You may be saying, “Reeves, both of us want this selfless attitude, but we are just too worn out to give to each other.” This might be the most common situation facing couples in the United States today. After all, no one gets married and intentionally makes choices to ruin their marriage. However, if you find yourself in this situation you must act quickly and decisively! Your marriage is hanging in the balance. This is a dangerous road, and it leads to the two disastrous choices I mentioned above. Yes, times are hectic! Kids these days seem to have more activities, appointments and games in a day than Ronald Reagan faced during a normal day in office. I understand and sympathize with the plight you are in, but for the sake of your marriage you must prioritize in a way so that you have the energy to serve your spouse.

As I close, let me leave you with a challenge. Maybe you find yourself aware of the issue, but lost as to where to start. Let me challenge you with this. Start small. You are not going to “right the ship” overnight. You must daily, with small intentional choices choose to serve your spouse, and in turn Honor Christ. I challenge you to sit down with him or her tonight and discuss one or two ways each of you can put Philippians 2:3-5 into practice. Maybe you can help bathe the kids, or do the dishes. Maybe you need to have the house picked up when your husband walks in the door. Maybe cooking a dinner once in a while would be of service to your spouse. The issues are different for each couple, yet the challenge is the same. Communicate so that you know what to do and then love God and your spouse enough to follow through. Intentionally make “we” decisions instead of “me” decisions.

The Mother-in-Law / Daughter-in-Law Relationship

I posted yesterday about the delicate balance a young couple must have between the time they spend with their parents and siblings and the time they spend establishing new family traditions. During the Christmas season these issues only increase and therefore they need to be considered. Another interesting dynamic that needs to be considered is the Mother-in-law / Daughter-in-law relationship. The Focus on the Family broadcast has devoted the last two days of their daily broadcast to this subject. The guest for these two shows is Annie Chapman (singer and songwriter). She has recently written a book titled: The Mother-in-Law Dance: Can Two Women Love the Same Man and Still Get Along? I have listened to the broadcasts the past two days and I recommend you click on the link if you believe this subject may be of benefit to you.
When you click on the Link you will need to find the appropriate broadcast. The dates for the broadcast are November 27, 2006 and November 28, 2006. The title of the broadcasts are: The Delicate Mother-in-Law Relationship, 1. and The Delicate Mother-in-Law Relationship, 2.
Enjoy!