Protecting the Purity of Your Teenager

I came across a great article today that I would encourage any father of a teenage son or daughter to read. It is a challenging article that deals frankly with how we, as fathers, are to protect our children from the moral onslaught that is prevalent today. If you have a teenager you need to check this article out. Read it by clicking here.

FINDING YOUR WAY THROUGH DEPRESSION

Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God? These words from Psalm 42 ask a simple yet poignant question. Why are you depressed? Depression, to varying degrees, will affect all of us. It is true that you may never be diagnosed with clinical depression or need medication to help control the symptoms, but all of us, at times, will experience bouts of depression. In this article we will look at the characteristics and causes of depression. As well, we will look at what help is available to those who find themselves in the midst of their dark night of the soul.

THE CHARACTERISTICS OF DEPRESSION

Depression is rightly described as anger turned inward, and it can make the strongest person weak. When you are depressed you lose all hope. You no longer find anything to get excited about. You have trouble sleeping, or maybe you sleep all day and can’t get out of bed, your eating habits change and your self-esteem is non-existent. Before depression you were able to think and communicate intelligently, but now you notice your thoughts are running together; you can’t seem to concentrate enough to carry on an adult conversation. For some, there is suicidal ideation… “I wonder what it would be like if I was not here?” It is maddening, but you can’t find the energy to correct the problem; you do not know how to correct the problem. Depression has stormed into your life and robbed you of the joy and happiness you once experienced. You feel empty!

WHAT CAUSES DEPRESSION

Depression can be brought on by a myriad of issues and it can come out of nowhere. Happy things such as weddings, the birth of a child or graduation can bring about depression, as well as sad and difficult experiences such as the death of a loved one, divorce or sickness. For some it is easy to see why they are battling depression and for others there seems to be no logical reason why the struggle occurs. No matter the cause, however, depression is real and for the one who is in the midst of it they will do or give anything to move beyond the feelings.

THERE IS HOPE

If you find yourself in the midst of this battle or you have a loved one that is carrying this burden I want to encourage you that there is hope. Without trying to sound trite or give a simple, uncompassionate answer Psalm 42 does provide us with the only true way to navigate through depression and that is by putting your hope in God (Psalm 42:5-6). This may appear impossible, as you do not have the energy to do anything, but you must find a way to put your hope in the one true God, the God who, according to Philippians 4:7 will give us peace that transcends all understanding (i.e. it does not make sense to an unbelieving world).

Clinically speaking the greatest thing you can do is seek help. Do not allow yourself or your loved one to continue to suffer when help is available. It is not a sign of weakness to admit you need help. In fact, it is a sign of wisdom. Proverbs 12:15 states “The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice.” There are things a clinically trained counselor can do that will aid in healing from depression.

Equally important is a thorough medical exam. Depression is often due to medical conditions and only your medical doctor can understand and address those issues correctly. It is essential that you get a medical exam yearly. It is good stewardship.

Another important point any quality counselor will consider when he is treating depression is the physiological issues. These include your eating, sleeping and exercise habits. Research has shown that positive physiological patterns in ones life have a great impact in treating depression. You must get a quality night sleep, eat healthy and develop a simple, but effective exercise routine. Doing these things will aid tremendously in decreasing the depressive symptoms.

Lastly, I want to encourage you if you find yourself struggling with depression to seek help. There are things that we can do together to treat depression effectively. You or your loved one does not have to go at it alone. Help is available. Together we will assess the situation and work to combat the issues from a physiological, medical and spiritual/emotional standpoint.

As I close let me remind you of 2 Corinthians 4:16-18. It is a great passage for those who find themselves in the midst of depression. “We do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an internal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”

Check Out These Radio Broadcasts

Instead of writing an article this week I want to highlight the Radio broadcasts of Focus on the Family and Family Life Today. This week both radio ministries are highlighting subjects that speak to real life. Focus on the Family, with Dr. James Dobson, is highlighting a very real phenomenon in American culture. They have invited Julie Ann Barnhill for a three part series dealing with Guilt in Motherhood. If you are a mother- no matter if you have grown children or toddlers this is a broadcast that would benefit you. It is also a helpful broadcast for husbands seeking to understand the pressures of being a mother in America. You may listen by clicking here.

Family Life Today has invited David Cox, a marriage a family counselor from Spartanburg, SC, to speak on the subject of suicide. In this three day series David covers many aspects of suicide. Many of us have been affected by suicide either directly or indirectly. This three day series is a valuable resource for anyone who is interested in learning about suicide and the many issues surrounding it. You may listen by clicking here.

WHO ARE YOU PURSUING?

What comes to your mind when you hear the word pursue? Does your mind race back to a wild police chase you witnessed on the latest episode of COPS or do you think about a wild tiger trouncing on his dinner in the latest episode of National Geographic Explorer. The word pursue is a word of action. It speaks of intensity and courage; there is no time for being tired or busy when a pursuit is needed. You do not see cops eating donuts during a pursuit! What about your marriage relationship? Are you pursuing your spouse or has that chase been over for a while? Put another way, are you back at headquarters getting fat on donuts or are you still in the chase? In this article I want to look at the importance of continually pursuing your spouse and give you some simple steps that will help you get back in pursuit mode.

Research tells us that somewhere between the honeymoon and the fifth year of marriage the momentum of the initial pursuit wears off and real life kicks in. When this occurs we often allow the busyness of life to invade and we allow ourselves to run out of time for things we once considered an essential part of our day. In the early part of your dating relationship you did everything you could to pursue your significant other. You bought flowers, you sent cards, you listened, and you gave of your time. You had too, and you wanted too! It was a wonderful season of your life filled with intense emotions and happiness; you would do anything to keep the love of your life happy. What happened?

To be fair, life does get busy. For most couples the initial (dating) pursuit occurs during a relatively calm period of life. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, you find yourself living the same life you witnessed your parents living. You find yourself no longer going to a job, but building a career. No longer are there sweet talks about how many kids you would like to have… you have them- THREE of them! And no family in America is complete without Sammy the dog. Simply put, there is less time for pursuing your spouse; life has invaded! However the importance of pursuing your spouse has not gone away, in fact it has only intensified. You feel overwhelmed though and it is only natural to let the person you feel most secure with move to the back burner. Without even realizing it you have left the pursuit of your spouse and replaced it with the pursuit of a career, children, activities and life! Continuing down this road will, for a time, seem to have a great payoff. You have a great house, great kids and a job that pays. It is the American dream. But you know the real story- your marriage is an empty shell of what it used to be and the career that was once so enjoyable has turned to drudgery. How did you get here? What can you do to change course?

Whether you find yourself identifying with the description above or you are wise enough to know you don’t want to go there here are five simple, yet profound steps you can take to ensure that you remain on target in pursuing your spouse.

1. Pursue an intimate relationship with God.

You cannot expect to have an intimate relationship with your spouse if your relationship with God is shallow. It is hard work, but you must make time to commune with God on a daily basis. Don’t get caught in the trap of thinking the only way to have a daily quiet time is to spend 30 minutes praying and 30 minutes reading the Bible. Be creative. Find what works for you, but pursue God intimately.

When I lived in Dallas I suddenly found myself with a 12 mile 45 minute commute two times a day. It took me a while to recognize it, but that was valuable time that I could use. I bought the Bible on CD and listened to James Earl Jones read Galatians and various other books to me. It was a profound time of learning for me. Have you ever taken the time to listen quietly to the Scriptures being read? It will open your eyes to things you may have skipped over before. Be creative, but you must pursue God.

2. Schedule Romance

When you were dating you did not need a sticky note to remind you to do something sweet for your spouse. It came naturally, but it has also has left naturally. It takes discipline for many of us to get back in the mode of pursuing our spouse. Don’t be afraid to schedule it. Put it in your planner that you are going to take 15 minutes on the 12^th of each month to write a love note to your spouse. A couple of months of scheduled romance and you will be a champ and it will flow naturally.

3. Be Creative

If you are like me creativity goes out of the window when the busyness of life invades. Genius ideas that once flowed so freely no longer come to my mind as much. What starts out as a romantic date night idea turns into the same dinner and a movie date. Force yourself to come up with a better idea. Get some accountability. Tell a friend that you are going to plan a great night for your spouse and have him or her hold you accountable. Stop the same old dinner and a movie date night.

4. Listen Well

How good does it feel when someone looks you in the eye and allows you to share their heart without comment or interruption. That in itself can be some of the best therapy you or I will ever receive. Make it a point to do that with your spouse. Turn off the TV, shut down the computer. Set aside time, after the kids are in bed, to talk and listen. Now that is ROMANCE!

5. Think back to what you did when you were dating

If all else fails… reminisce. What did you enjoy when y’all were dating? How did you pursue your spouse at that season of life? Sure, it will be done with more maturity and understanding now, but just because you are at a different stage in your life does not mean that what worked back then does not work now.

Hopefully you can see the importance of continually pursuing your spouse. It is hard work when life is racing by, but these simple steps will get you back on the right track as you engage in the most important pursuit of your life. Get started tonight!

SURE, IT’S A GOOD THING, BUT IS IT THE BEST THING?

Life is busy! Every where you turn there is something or someone asking for your time. Whether it involves the kids, the church, your job or your friends someone is there to take up every precious moment you have in your twenty-four hour day. If it were not for FAST food some of us may starve due to the time demands we place ourselves under. It is not news that we live at a frighteningly furious pace.

While there are many advantages to operating in a fast paced society there are also many potential hazards awaiting those who do not stop to smell the roses. In this article I want to remind you of the importance of saying "NO", and give you two tools which will help you in your efforts. After all, your family could be at stake.

We have all heard the sobering statistics on divorce. Nearly half of all marriages that begin this year will end in divorce. Putting it another way, if you attend four weddings this year you can expect two of them to end in divorce! What is the cause of such bleak news? How can we stop this epidemic? While it is clear that there are a myriad of issues which surround each divorce it is also clear that one of the most deadly forces upon marriage today is simply that we have forsaken time with our spouse / family for time with everything else.

It is unbelievably easy to allow this to occur. Before we even realize what we have done we have over-scheduled ourselves and left little to no time for the ones we love the most. It is a natural thing to do this. We feel safest with those we love the most, and while that is a good thing, it can be detrimental when it comes time to making split second decisions. Decisions such as, “Do I take on the extra job to impress my boss or do I leave the weekend free to relax with my wife and kids?” Or what about when the phone rings and Suzy Q. is on the other end asking you to volunteer at XYZ ministry? You rationalize… “It is such a neat place and they are doing such good work. It would only be one night each week. It can’t be that bad!” All of us have been there and all of us have taken on tasks we know we should have said no too!

BREAKING FREE

It is easy to diagnose the problem, but breaking free is another thing. How can you learn to guard your time and protect your most precious asset- your family. While there is no secret formula there are a couple of boundaries you can put into place.

1. Learn to say “NO!!!”

Some of the best advice I have ever received came from the Dean of Students at Columbia International University. He remarked, “I make it a practice to tell at least one person “NO” each day, just to stay in practice.” While he was overemphasizing his point, it did come across loud and clear to me. There are many good things which clamor for your precious time each day, but often there is only time for the best things. Make sure that you do not say “YES” to good things and leave no time for the best things.

For some saying “no” is easier than for others. Get to know yourself, if you have difficulty saying “no”, make a conscious effort to develop this godly discipline in your life. There are more than enough ministries, activities and people who can abuse your time if you allow it. However, none of those things are worth loosing your family or even upsetting them.

2. Create a scheduling committee.

This may sound hokey to you, but trust me, it works. I had a professor in college who had his wife, a secretary, and another colleague approve all of his outside speaking engagements. Before he could say yes to any outside engagement it had to be approved, not by his employer, but by his self-appointed scheduling committee. You may be saying, isn’t that a bit of overkill for someone like me? Most likely it is not if you have read this far! Try it out and see if it does not create greater intimacy and community with those you love the most. Before you accept another ministry position, extra assignment at work or youth league coaching position put together a scheduling committee. I recommend having your spouse, a trusted friend, and your age appropriate children on it. Unless all agree that this is an assignment which will be for the benefit of the family goals you should politely refrain from taking on another assignment.

Often we become so enthralled with good things that we squeeze out the most precious things in our life. If you find yourself with this tendency I encourage you to implement these two boundaries in your life.