Many of you are familiar with the testimony of Robertson McQuilkin. Dr. McQuilkin is the former president of Columbia International University who resigned his position to care for his ailing wife, Muriel. The last four days Family Life Today has highlighted the testimony of Robertson and Muriel. Whether you know the story well or have never heard it before I encourage you to listen to the broadcast with your spouse. Use it as a catalyst for your own discussion about marriage, commitment and life. It will be a great source of encouragement and intimacy for you and your spouse as you listen to the broadcast. The titles of the broadcast are titled: My Decision Part 1 and Part 2, What God has Done, and Our Future.
Click here to listen
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Friday, August 08, 2008
Being a Dad to Your Daughter
My wife and I were recently strolling through a bookstore when I came across an interesting title from Dennis Rainey- Interviewing Your Daughters Date. It immediately caught my attention as we are expecting our first daughter in December. Yes, maybe you can say I am a little nervous or paranoid, but I remember my thoughts when I was dating (and I was interested in doing it the right way). As the studies show, teenage boys think about sex every seven seconds! Others will remind us that they lie about the other six seconds. When you are the father of a son you have to worry about one boy, when you are the father of a daughter you have to worry about EVERY BOY! There are unique responsibilities to being a father of each sex and one of the responsibilities I, along with each of you dads have, is to guard your daughters heart. My intent in this BLOG is to highlight Interviewing Your Daughters Date so that you will read it and act upon its words of wisdom. I will do this by highlighting a few thoughts that sobered me and reminded me of a not so long ago time when I was dating my wife.
Dennis opens the book with a not so subtle reminder for us Dad's. He writes, "There was a day- it doesn't seem that long ago- when this dating stuff was the furthest thing from her mind, back when her only plans for Saturday night were for us to run barefoot together in the mowed grass, playing freeze tag and catching fireflies. But it turns out I wasn't the only one who would discover how much fun she is to be around. This little girl I took to magical places in bedtime stories and amazed with tooth fairy notes now has other male voices telling her things a girl likes to hear. This is when a dad who's never met a monster he couldn't slay suddenly feels weak and alone."
Talk about a sobering thought! Your cute little "princess" all of a sudden being interested in guys. Ouch! You may be a dad whose daughters are already dating or you may be fifteen or more years away from your daughters first date, but the day is coming, and Dad's we have a responsibility to protect our daughters! In this politically correct age it may not seem right to you that you would "infringe" on your daughter or some young man who wants to date your daughter, but we must. Dennis writes, " Men, the bottom line is this: God made dads to protect their daughters. And one of the ways we can do this is by checking out and qualifying the young men who want to date them."
There are two illustrations in the book which reminded me of this great responsibility- even if it is a difficult and intimidating task to undertake.
The first illustration comes from a man named Steve. Steve, looking at his daughters date asks the young man this question, "Do you know what stewardship is? You see, we don't own Susie and Emily, (his daughters) we (him and his wife) are stewards of them. And by letting you take them on a date we are transferring that stewardship for an evening." What a great biblical picture of our responsibility!
The second illustration come from Dennis himself. Dennis describes putting all of his families important papers in a neat stack on a table- marriage certificate, house deed, diplomas, investment and bank statements, honors and awards, etc. He then writes, "with my hands still resting on that pile of papers, I looked Luke squarely in the eye and said, "Tell me, Luke, what's the most valuable thing on this porch? I'll never forget Luke's face. His eyes were on those papers. Then they began to dart back and forth between that pile, Rebecca, and me. And with a less than confident answer, he said, Rebecca? I affirmed his answer and then went on to share with him that if she was that valuable, then he and I needed to have a little conversation. With that I excused Rebecca."
Now, admittedly, reading of this encounter outside the context of the book you think this guy is a jerk who is just about playing a power trip on any guy brave enough to ask one of his daughters on a date. I can assure, that is not the case. Dennis understands the enormous responsibility we have. He highlights in this short book the great balance between being firm and to the point with showing love and grace to the young man. He states," The interview is never meant to be heavy-handed. It's not about an egotistical dad trying to make a teenage boy feel small. It's a time when a real man reaches out to engage a younger man in a noble conversation about a young lady." Dads, the question still remains for us, are we going to be obedient to the God given responsibility we have to our daughters?
Dennis also talks about the many benefits this type of "manning up" results in. He discusses the great rapport, respect and healthy relationship you develop with the young man who dates your daughter. He also reminds us that this type of fathering results in your daughter feeling respected and loved which encourages her to remain faithful. It is also a great teaching tool for your sons as they watch you (how to be a noble steward of your son is an entirely different discussion, but equally important.)
There are so many other great lessons in this short book, but I want to encourage you to read it for yourself. The bottom line is this: Dad you have a responsibility before the Lord to protect your son and daughter. This is one way you must protect your daughter and you must not let intimidation or politically correct thought deter you from doing what is right-being a noble steward of your daughter!
Dennis opens the book with a not so subtle reminder for us Dad's. He writes, "There was a day- it doesn't seem that long ago- when this dating stuff was the furthest thing from her mind, back when her only plans for Saturday night were for us to run barefoot together in the mowed grass, playing freeze tag and catching fireflies. But it turns out I wasn't the only one who would discover how much fun she is to be around. This little girl I took to magical places in bedtime stories and amazed with tooth fairy notes now has other male voices telling her things a girl likes to hear. This is when a dad who's never met a monster he couldn't slay suddenly feels weak and alone."
Talk about a sobering thought! Your cute little "princess" all of a sudden being interested in guys. Ouch! You may be a dad whose daughters are already dating or you may be fifteen or more years away from your daughters first date, but the day is coming, and Dad's we have a responsibility to protect our daughters! In this politically correct age it may not seem right to you that you would "infringe" on your daughter or some young man who wants to date your daughter, but we must. Dennis writes, " Men, the bottom line is this: God made dads to protect their daughters. And one of the ways we can do this is by checking out and qualifying the young men who want to date them."
There are two illustrations in the book which reminded me of this great responsibility- even if it is a difficult and intimidating task to undertake.
The first illustration comes from a man named Steve. Steve, looking at his daughters date asks the young man this question, "Do you know what stewardship is? You see, we don't own Susie and Emily, (his daughters) we (him and his wife) are stewards of them. And by letting you take them on a date we are transferring that stewardship for an evening." What a great biblical picture of our responsibility!
The second illustration come from Dennis himself. Dennis describes putting all of his families important papers in a neat stack on a table- marriage certificate, house deed, diplomas, investment and bank statements, honors and awards, etc. He then writes, "with my hands still resting on that pile of papers, I looked Luke squarely in the eye and said, "Tell me, Luke, what's the most valuable thing on this porch? I'll never forget Luke's face. His eyes were on those papers. Then they began to dart back and forth between that pile, Rebecca, and me. And with a less than confident answer, he said, Rebecca? I affirmed his answer and then went on to share with him that if she was that valuable, then he and I needed to have a little conversation. With that I excused Rebecca."
Now, admittedly, reading of this encounter outside the context of the book you think this guy is a jerk who is just about playing a power trip on any guy brave enough to ask one of his daughters on a date. I can assure, that is not the case. Dennis understands the enormous responsibility we have. He highlights in this short book the great balance between being firm and to the point with showing love and grace to the young man. He states," The interview is never meant to be heavy-handed. It's not about an egotistical dad trying to make a teenage boy feel small. It's a time when a real man reaches out to engage a younger man in a noble conversation about a young lady." Dads, the question still remains for us, are we going to be obedient to the God given responsibility we have to our daughters?
Dennis also talks about the many benefits this type of "manning up" results in. He discusses the great rapport, respect and healthy relationship you develop with the young man who dates your daughter. He also reminds us that this type of fathering results in your daughter feeling respected and loved which encourages her to remain faithful. It is also a great teaching tool for your sons as they watch you (how to be a noble steward of your son is an entirely different discussion, but equally important.)
There are so many other great lessons in this short book, but I want to encourage you to read it for yourself. The bottom line is this: Dad you have a responsibility before the Lord to protect your son and daughter. This is one way you must protect your daughter and you must not let intimidation or politically correct thought deter you from doing what is right-being a noble steward of your daughter!
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