New Years Resolutions Versus New Years Goals

If you are like me you have grown weary of resolutions. They never seem to work. From failed U.N. Resolutions that promise to bring peace to a country; to our own personal resolutions that we make each January they all seem to have one thing in common- they fail.

Well as we begin a new year let me encourage you to throw away your resolutions and instead make goals. You may be asking what the difference is? Well, I believe there is a significant, yet subtle difference. Let me explain.

By definition a resolution is "a resolve or determination: to make a firm resolution to do something." While a goal is: "the result or achievement toward which effort is directed." My point is this. Resolutions give us no wiggle room- they are firm- and therefore we can easily become defeated when the first sign of adversity hits. And who lives a life free of adversity? By definition a goal is more fluid. Goals give us more wiggle room to amend as the circumstances warrant. If I make a goal to lose fifteen pounds this year, but I break my leg in February and can't exercise for four months I have suffered a serious setback to my goal of losing fifteen pounds. However, because goals are more fluid and defined more by the circumstances in which we find ourselves I can amend my goal based on the fact that I have broken my leg. This leads to greater success in reaching our goals because they remain fluid and realistic throughout the year. It gives us greater confidence and helps us push ourselves in greater ways.

Another thing you need to do is write your goals down. It does not help much to wake up January 1st, contemplate your goals for the year, and then sit down for a day of college bowl games. You must write down what you want to accomplish in the year to come. I like to divide my goals into several categories- Spiritual, Marriage & Family, Financial, Ministry/Business, Personal Development and Physical Fitness. Once you have defined your goals, and written them down you need to keep them in a place of remembrance. I keep mine either to the left of my computer or in the first file of my file cabinet. This reminds me of my goals daily and allows me to amend them when the realities of my life change.

So this year, make a point to set realistic goals for 2011, write them down and keep them in a place where you can refer to them often. I wish you great success in achieving all of your goals for 2011!

Tips for Surviving the Holidays Season with Extended Family

For many people the Holiday Season can bring added stress due to having to interact with Extended Family. There may be strained relationships that one side is aware of, but the other side does not recognize or there may be a relationship that both sides understand to be strained. Either scenario makes for an awkward setting when it is time to exchnage gifts and be in the Christmas Spirit. If you find yourself in a strained relationship with an extended family member here are four tips to help you navigate this Holiday Season.

1. Clearly communicate with your spouse the expectations y'all have for being around the family members in question.
Without clear communication it is easy for one of you to have one set of expectations while the other is thinking something totally different. Make sure you communicate each of your expectations and do it in advance of the family event so that you and your spouse can be on the same page.

2. Communicate with your extended family about how you are going to handle the family event.
If you are only going to be there for an hour or two, but grandma Jo is expecting you the whole day it can create even more tension when you and your clan leave at 10:00 AM. Make sure you communicate in advance how long you will be at the event so you don't have to deal with unexpected issues on Christmas day.

3. Be Honest with your extended family about why you are not staying.
Yes, this may be difficult, but if you lie your way out of an event you are only going to have to do it again when the next family gathering comes. Be honest with your extended family, and let them know why you wont be with them. It will create tension in the short term, but may save the relationship long-term if you are able to deal with it constructively.

4. Protect Your immediate Family
I often see couples where one of the spouses has failed to leave behind their mother or father. Remember when you say "I Do" you are pledging your loyalty and support to your new spouse and the family y'all will create. Do not dismiss your spouses desires for mom or dads. That will leave you with more problems than you started with and a Merry Christmas will not be had by any.

Where is Your Hope?

Where is Your Hope? from Reeves Cannon on Vimeo.

"Just Talking"

If you are into such things as why people get divorced you will have likely heard the common answers of sex, in-laws, and money as some of the top reasons couples quit on their marriage. Well I am here to tell you none of those reasons are why people call it quits. Sure those reasons top the list, but not because they are the foundational causes of divorce. The foundational cause of divorce is a couple's inability to communicate effectively- often about sex, in-laws and money.

Communication is key

Think back to your dating days with your spouse. What made those months and years so special? While there are many things that make dating enjoyable getting to know a person, and learning all about them is what makes it thrilling. And how do we get to know someone? We talk to them, ask them questions, answer their questions. You can probably recall several nights with your spouse where you stayed up until the wee hours of the morning "just talking". I recall one father telling me of a time he received his sons cell phone bill. He noticed the astronomical amount of minutes his son spent on the phone with his girl friend. He inquired how they could talk for that many minutes in a month. It was the girl friend who finally answered, "we just like talking and don't want to hang the phone up so we end up falling asleep and waking up the next morning still on the phone. Now that is love! What happens when we get married?

Something Happens

While it was communicating that formed and created the strong bond that gave us the idea we would make a good marriage team often we forget how to communicate once we tie the knot. Maybe it is being busy, the pursuit of the American dream (not knowing it will cost us our marriage), the busyness of children's schedules, or just a natural drifting apart that robs us of those "just talking" moments, but in order to connect and maintain intimacy in our marriage we must reclaim those "just talking" days of yesteryear. They are the super glue of your marriage.

Just Stop and Talk

Often couples show up in my office unaware that the "problem" that seems so complex is really that they have just stopped sharing life with each other. Admittedly, once you stop sharing life it can be hard and sometimes awkward to start sharing again, but to save your marriage or keep it enjoyable you must! If you find yourself in a place where isolation and busyness has robbed you and your spouse of those "just talking" moments commit today to reclaim them. Yes, it may be awkward at first, but do it..kinda like just taking the plunge and going on a first date. Commit to putting a stake in the ground of your marriage and create an atmosphere where you can "just talk". Maybe it is a specific time each night or a midday break or a weekend date, whatever it is make it a can't miss event in your life. If you need some additional tips on how to get started and rebuild some intimacy in your marriage stop by for a session or two so you can reclaim your "just talking" moments.

A New Video BLOG

I have started a new video BLOG. It will not replace this BLOG, but the Video BLOG is going to be my primary means of communicating so check it out and mark it as a favorite in your favorites section.
Click here for the new VIDEO BLOG

A Great Opportunity for your Local Church

I have been teaching seminars for Walk Thru the Bible for almost two years. I teach three different seminars for them, but by far my favorite is the one I teach on marriage and personality. It is called "Understanding the Love of Your Life". It really is a fantastic seminar. Check out this 5 minute info video on the seminar and email me if you would like to talk to me about bringing this to your church.
Click Here for the Video

Time Standing Still?

It was not the way I had envisioned my weekend starting- especially this weekend. I had things to do- namely demolish a kitchen so it could be ready for the workers who would restore it later that week. There was a backsplash to chisel out, kitchen counters to remove, and cabinets to repaint. All of these activities were to be accomplished with precision as time was not on my side.

As I left the office Friday afternoon to set out on my weekend full of work I felt a small twinge in my throat and was already feeling a little sore even though I had not yet lifted one cabinet or appliance. “This can’t be.” I thought to myself. “There is work to be done. I cannot get sick.” Thankfully, I was able to plow through Friday night finishing all of the priming of the cabinets, but when I woke up Saturday morning I knew that something had to give- either me or the work that was left to be done. My temperature was 103 and I felt like I had been through a ten round cage match. No way did I feel like demolishing a kitchen!

With a deadline to meet I was determined to stay on schedule. I went to work knocking a few tiles off the backsplash and then laying on the couch for an extended time of rest. It was a slow, rough go of it, but in the end I was able to accomplish what had to be done for the work that was scheduled the following week. No, I did not accomplish everything I wanted to get done, but what had to get done was done. However, it was not just getting the work done that made the weekend a success. In the midst of the rest, work and more rest I was reminded of a valuable lesson-

"The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps."
Proverbs 16:9


Yes, it took me a couple more weekends to get everything finished in my kitchen, but God had a plan and it was accomplished in his time. The question for all of us is this: What are you trying to accomplish in your life and are you attempting to forge ahead of God’s plan or are you allowing him to lead and direct your path? Yes, be faithful to do the necessary work, but trust God to accomplish the results in his time.

A Night Without the Family

It was a night most Dads with two young, busy children would relish- a night at home to do whatever I wanted without interruption. As circumstances would have it I found myself with a wife who was working the night shift at the hospital and my two children, due to an early morning appointment I had, spending the night with Mimi and Pop.

So with a free night to burn I did what many Dads would do- I sought to relieve some stress! My way of relieving stress comes in the form of getting my hands dirty and tackling projects I have no business tackling. The particular project in my crosshairs this night- repainting the kitchen cabinets. Now even a novice, as I am, knew that this would not be a one night project, but I figured I could make great headway with no kids and the house to myself. And Yes, I did have permission from Rebecca before starting the project- a necessary first step in any project. A painful lesson I have learned the hard way. So I set out to start my project and I must admit it went quite well. I cleaned, caulked, filled in screw holes, sanded, de-glossed and was even able to apply the primer to the bottom cabinets. It was truly a nice nights’ work.

As I started cleaning up the mess I had made I noticed a strange sound- it was the sound of silence. Yes, it was 11:30 PM, and the goal every night in the Cannon household is silence at that time, but this particular night it was deafening. I did not like it! I had been able to work for several hours and not notice the loud scream of silence, but as I prepared to go to sleep myself I was suddenly reminded that no one- not my son, daughter, or wife were there with me. It was in that quiet moment that I was reminded of this verse- Psalm 127-3-5:

"Children are a gift from the Lord: they are a reward from him. Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior's hands. How happy is the man whose quiver is full of them! He will not be put to shame when he confronts his accusers at the city gates."

A few minutes later another verse popped into my mind- Proverbs 18:22:

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the LORD.”

So often I run through life unaware of the blessing that my wife and children are to me. I appreciate them, but do I truly show them how much I value and love them? The silence of a night alone taught me that I can do a better job. What about you? Do you find yourself taking for granted your family?

Do you brush your teeth or hair first?

Tallon came running into my bedroom this morning as he does every morning- way to early- and said in his patented voice, “It’s time to get up, Daddy, I’m hungry.” After a few minutes of prodding and begging we mustered our way down stairs to eat some eggs and oatmeal- a combination only a four year old would want. On our way back up the stairs I informed Tallon that we needed to make a stop in the bathroom to comb his hair, which had decided to have a party on his scalp during the night, and brush the oatmeal and egg breath out of his mouth. He grabbed his spider man “noisy” toothbrush (noisy means electric in four year old talk) and I grabbed the hair brush. As I went to comb his hair he immediately stopped me and said, “Wait Daddy, I can’t do both at the same time.” Little did he know that that statement would keep me thinking the rest of the day…

You see, he was intent on fixing his inward problem- bad breath, and I was intent on fixing his outward problem- party hair. As I started thinking about what he said a question popped into my mind- am I more interested in covering up the flaws people see me exhibit or am I more intent on fixing my inward flaws- my character? So often we are not concerned about our inward character, but only with what we portray to people- the outward appearance. We may think, “As long as I come across in a positive way I am OK even if on the inside I am wasting away.” The only problem with this perspective is that it is hypocritical. Jesus spoke to this when he referenced the Pharisees. He said in Matthew 23:27 "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men’s bones and everything unclean.” I came to the conclusion that I don’t want to be like a whitewashed coffin. If I want to change and grow as a person- husband, father, worker, Christian, friend, etc.-I need to work from the inside out. After all true, lasting change starts from the inside out!

What about you? Are you brushing your hair and ignoring your smelly breath? You may look pretty from a distance, but when people get close they are going to realize you stink!