"Just Talking"

If you are into such things as why people get divorced you will have likely heard the common answers of sex, in-laws, and money as some of the top reasons couples quit on their marriage. Well I am here to tell you none of those reasons are why people call it quits. Sure those reasons top the list, but not because they are the foundational causes of divorce. The foundational cause of divorce is a couple's inability to communicate effectively- often about sex, in-laws and money.

Communication is key

Think back to your dating days with your spouse. What made those months and years so special? While there are many things that make dating enjoyable getting to know a person, and learning all about them is what makes it thrilling. And how do we get to know someone? We talk to them, ask them questions, answer their questions. You can probably recall several nights with your spouse where you stayed up until the wee hours of the morning "just talking". I recall one father telling me of a time he received his sons cell phone bill. He noticed the astronomical amount of minutes his son spent on the phone with his girl friend. He inquired how they could talk for that many minutes in a month. It was the girl friend who finally answered, "we just like talking and don't want to hang the phone up so we end up falling asleep and waking up the next morning still on the phone. Now that is love! What happens when we get married?

Something Happens

While it was communicating that formed and created the strong bond that gave us the idea we would make a good marriage team often we forget how to communicate once we tie the knot. Maybe it is being busy, the pursuit of the American dream (not knowing it will cost us our marriage), the busyness of children's schedules, or just a natural drifting apart that robs us of those "just talking" moments, but in order to connect and maintain intimacy in our marriage we must reclaim those "just talking" days of yesteryear. They are the super glue of your marriage.

Just Stop and Talk

Often couples show up in my office unaware that the "problem" that seems so complex is really that they have just stopped sharing life with each other. Admittedly, once you stop sharing life it can be hard and sometimes awkward to start sharing again, but to save your marriage or keep it enjoyable you must! If you find yourself in a place where isolation and busyness has robbed you and your spouse of those "just talking" moments commit today to reclaim them. Yes, it may be awkward at first, but do it..kinda like just taking the plunge and going on a first date. Commit to putting a stake in the ground of your marriage and create an atmosphere where you can "just talk". Maybe it is a specific time each night or a midday break or a weekend date, whatever it is make it a can't miss event in your life. If you need some additional tips on how to get started and rebuild some intimacy in your marriage stop by for a session or two so you can reclaim your "just talking" moments.