New Years Resolutions Versus New Years Goals

If you are like me you have grown weary of resolutions. They never seem to work. From failed U.N. Resolutions that promise to bring peace to a country; to our own personal resolutions that we make each January they all seem to have one thing in common- they fail.

Well as we begin a new year let me encourage you to throw away your resolutions and instead make goals. You may be asking what the difference is? Well, I believe there is a significant, yet subtle difference. Let me explain.

By definition a resolution is "a resolve or determination: to make a firm resolution to do something." While a goal is: "the result or achievement toward which effort is directed." My point is this. Resolutions give us no wiggle room- they are firm- and therefore we can easily become defeated when the first sign of adversity hits. And who lives a life free of adversity? By definition a goal is more fluid. Goals give us more wiggle room to amend as the circumstances warrant. If I make a goal to lose fifteen pounds this year, but I break my leg in February and can't exercise for four months I have suffered a serious setback to my goal of losing fifteen pounds. However, because goals are more fluid and defined more by the circumstances in which we find ourselves I can amend my goal based on the fact that I have broken my leg. This leads to greater success in reaching our goals because they remain fluid and realistic throughout the year. It gives us greater confidence and helps us push ourselves in greater ways.

Another thing you need to do is write your goals down. It does not help much to wake up January 1st, contemplate your goals for the year, and then sit down for a day of college bowl games. You must write down what you want to accomplish in the year to come. I like to divide my goals into several categories- Spiritual, Marriage & Family, Financial, Ministry/Business, Personal Development and Physical Fitness. Once you have defined your goals, and written them down you need to keep them in a place of remembrance. I keep mine either to the left of my computer or in the first file of my file cabinet. This reminds me of my goals daily and allows me to amend them when the realities of my life change.

So this year, make a point to set realistic goals for 2011, write them down and keep them in a place where you can refer to them often. I wish you great success in achieving all of your goals for 2011!

Tips for Surviving the Holidays Season with Extended Family

For many people the Holiday Season can bring added stress due to having to interact with Extended Family. There may be strained relationships that one side is aware of, but the other side does not recognize or there may be a relationship that both sides understand to be strained. Either scenario makes for an awkward setting when it is time to exchnage gifts and be in the Christmas Spirit. If you find yourself in a strained relationship with an extended family member here are four tips to help you navigate this Holiday Season.

1. Clearly communicate with your spouse the expectations y'all have for being around the family members in question.
Without clear communication it is easy for one of you to have one set of expectations while the other is thinking something totally different. Make sure you communicate each of your expectations and do it in advance of the family event so that you and your spouse can be on the same page.

2. Communicate with your extended family about how you are going to handle the family event.
If you are only going to be there for an hour or two, but grandma Jo is expecting you the whole day it can create even more tension when you and your clan leave at 10:00 AM. Make sure you communicate in advance how long you will be at the event so you don't have to deal with unexpected issues on Christmas day.

3. Be Honest with your extended family about why you are not staying.
Yes, this may be difficult, but if you lie your way out of an event you are only going to have to do it again when the next family gathering comes. Be honest with your extended family, and let them know why you wont be with them. It will create tension in the short term, but may save the relationship long-term if you are able to deal with it constructively.

4. Protect Your immediate Family
I often see couples where one of the spouses has failed to leave behind their mother or father. Remember when you say "I Do" you are pledging your loyalty and support to your new spouse and the family y'all will create. Do not dismiss your spouses desires for mom or dads. That will leave you with more problems than you started with and a Merry Christmas will not be had by any.